Team is Family Always

When people think they're right.
Thanks to Washington Post.

It's my first day, I'm already late for class. Trying to hide the fact that I was crying a few seconds ago. Eyes wide, fear following and cursing the newness too. Trying to the shake off the fact that I was alone. Then I opened a door... I'm gonna be honest that entire class period is a blur. I just know that a couple months later, I wasn't very alone anymore. A key factor when you move is trying to find out where you belong. A team or class maybe. Mine was debate make fun but, I'm not ashamed. Debate became a class I looked forward to go to. I was eager to prove myself. A few months in, turns out it wasn't that bad. I met a quite girl who ended up shocking everyone at how abusive she can be in a round. Nina Williams is a better debater than me but we complete the things we are missing. She's assertive and strong but I'm aggressive and passionate. My amazing public forum partner Nina and I became an unstoppable (sort of) team. (Only freshmen and placed in semi-nationals.) Soon enough my public forum team became my family.   Lulu and Caliegh always there to help. Kyle and Sariah came up with new ideas and always seemed to make me laugh. Joe and Charlie didn't treat us like we were "just freshmen". Nick Coleman and Will Doyle, my event leads, where do I begin with them. Intimidating, insane, slightly egotistical and the most likely to trick the world leaders that nuclear war is a good idea. But they are also talented, funny and good mentors. They helped us become better debaters, though I will never admit it aloud, I owe most of my wins to them. The other segments of the team helped me with adjustment as well. The impromptu team always provided entertainment, Aidan and Adam H. never seize to amaze me. The policy teams leaves me wide eyed, Devon and Gavin always seemed to try to recruit us to their debate cult. The congress team in general just makes me laugh. Our captains gave me something to aspire to. Abby and Catelin are treasures. Bella Canada is just bad a$$. Bella Canada calms you, she makes you smile and she gives you goals. All in all that team became my backbone. My team is family. I mean who else would I spend bus rides at five am with or spend hours with in some random high school. Who else would push me to move on when I had the flu and could barely even move. They helped me through defeats and wins. That's how you know you found good people when, they accept you in high and low moments. When they seem to understand the most confusing parts of you. The people who make you look back at the past just to give you a push in the future. Thank you my team and thank you my family.

Dear.. Well Everyone

picture cred to pintrest.com

Dear people who have an opinion about me,

I never pretended to be anything. Don't hate me because I wasn't what you wanted me to be or what you thought I was. In the end I only was ever one person. I once heard that I was "hated by many, loved by plenty, disliked by some and confronted by none." (Which I'm sure this person read some where and thought it was funny.) Which got me thinking, what did I ever do to you. Did I say the wrong thing, do you realize that I'm new and when you're new you don't know what isn't allowed in other people's minds. If so, I'm sorry but this is what I am. When I say I dislike a person there is a reason. I don't just look at people and have a bad emotion towards them. So when I do bring that up, don't push me off. I grew up on the fact that if someone was talking about me, someone was gonna tell me. In my head you aren't a true friend if you let those people stab me in the back. If I trust you congratulations, you're one of the lucky few. I've been bruised, left and hurt before, so please don't think this trust as a vulnerability. If anything it's just me showing you my metaphorical scars. For those who think they know me, you have only read a page. I didn't grow up with the amount of money you did. I worked my butt off just to get where I am, I don't need your ignorant minds trying to make memories for me. I have enough. For the people that believe we are friends, have you stopped to think there's a reason. Maybe it's because in my head you're gonna be there for me. That if you're aware of my back stabbers that maybe you should tell me. Maybe if I get the courage to tell you that there's a problem, that maybe you should take it under consideration. You probably don't care, but that's how you'd loose me. By letting every problem that I have, brush off your shoulders. I'm not saying make me a priority but loyalty could be help. You're right I may not like a lot of people but listening and understanding would be nice. And for the person who listens. Thank you, thank you for pretending to understand. Even if you're so far away, I know no matter how I feel here you'll be over there ready to hear me. To everyone, I have flaws. I believe things and I argue. I think loyalty is important and fake people bother me. I won't always meet expectations. I'm also human and believe it or not so are you. The difference between most of you guys and me is that I accept my flaws while you simply ignore them. This is me.
Sincerely,
An emotionally tired girl.

I am...

I am… Loved.

"Guys, guess what I just figured out." "What?' "Birth Certificates are basically baby recites." "Really, Reede, really?" "Rachael did you hear this?" "To be honest, I'm trying to ignore you right now." "But this is an amazing discovery!" "Yea, okay Reede." So this was an actual conversation that I had with my math buddies, Juliana and Rachael. The people I thank G*D for every day after lunch… When you move you may want to reinvent yourself, go right ahead. But keep the parts that makes you, you. I know this sounds cheesy, but I've found that certain moments make me who I am, I'm weird, like the moment I gave you first. So I asked my friends what was the first word that they could think of when they thought of me. I am;
Inspiring,
"We won't be able to do this." "Nina yes we can." "How do you know that." "Because I know if I didn't believe in us this much I wouldn't have ever started, I wouldn't be getting ready to talk about carbon tax or Russia or refugees, I believe that no matter how stressed I get. You're gonna be there, telling me about some contention or framework problem. I wouldn't wake up at 4:30 on a Saturday to drive down to Salt Lake. I would let those days where, we are looked down because we are freshman, get to me. I know we got this." "Thank you... How much coffee did you have this morning?" "Too much Nina too much."
Poetic,
"How would you describe being a human." "You know that moment when you are about to loose or the day finally comes crashing down on you. You keep saying it's going to be okay over and over, even if you don't believe it. Or those moments when you walk down the street and you hear that song, the one your dad used to play in the car and now every memory of it sweeps through you. When time finally stops and sits down to have a conversation, not remembering that there are tests to be taken or papers to write." "Where the hell did that come from?" "I have no idea."
Realistic
"So Utah, you excited?" "Why because I'm leaving what I know and the people who love me. To go to a place where I'll be an outsider for awhile." "Dude be a little more optimistic." "Why there isn't a point of sugar coating it, it's gonna suck but I'm gonna have to do it anyway."

I can be who I want because I don't care. I am who I am for a reason, it doesn't matter what town or who I am with. I am the girl laughing too loudly or the one arguing. I have my head stuck in a book. I bite my nails, I love to write and I refuse to filter myself for anyone. I am who I was supposed to be.

They're in My life For a Reason

:) Thanks to data:image

You're nervous when you're new. Don't know if it's because everything you turn to is new, and you can't turn to anyone because you're so nervous. All you need is that one person to lean on or direct you through the flames. It's crucial when you're new to put your pride on your floor and actually talk to people.  It's not as hard as you would believe. See, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. People either come into your life because they are a lesson or a chance. So with that the people I've become close with, I've met all for a reason. I'm glad for it, for the late night talks, for the weird conversations, for the shoulders to lean on.  There are a few people in this world that I can trust fully, but each of them give me a reason to. It's funny if you think about it, in your hometown or wherever you came from, the people who you're friends with seem to be the only people you think about spending every weekend with. After moving you realize about the people outside of that small-town of yours. On that note, I never liked the word squad, it always bothered me, until Utah when  I found mine. This sounds this ridiculous I know, its weird just saying it. But hey that's what we call ourselves. Five girls, four boys and all with very interesting thoughts.  My bestie with the pink hair [:0] Sam Petersen always gets us talking about the most deep and intricate stuff. For example; religion, gender, politics (don't get even me started) or anything really important going on at each other's lives. Then good old Bryce Murrin or Annie Sheinburg  (I'm sorry if I spelled that wrong) decides to get us all rabid and laughing about some really interesting, for lack of a better word, topic. Maya Levine then normally says something half of us will be take the wrong way. Which will make us give her crud and laugh even more. Then Olivia Welter will actually make us talk about it, or least explain what goes on in a few of our minds. Then the amazing Sean Lydon will make a sarcastic comment, which will cause Nash Batten to get awkward and Cris Mora to say something that only Cris would say. My favorite part of those moments is to watch how happy each of us is with each other. So there you go a short glimpse of a small amount of squad hangouts. These people might be loud or a little weird to the normal black and white eye but for me, they are so much more. They are the people who I can depend for a shoulder or smile. We might not all understand what each of us go through, but that's the best part is we don't pretend to. We call each other out, say things we don't mean, argue till we're out of breathe but that's us. I wouldn't expect you guys to understand because you aren't there. Some people from school try to, it just doesn't work out. Only because they aren't there for the important parts of our tragically beautiful story. I met them for a reason, each teaching me valuable lessons, each shaping me to be better. So I thank you lucky few I call a squad. Thank You... 

It's Just A Book

Getting Lost
Picture thanks to Pintrest.com

It's just a page. Just a story, a few words connecting others to the characters. But that page was home, each and every word containing apart of her tragically beautiful story. Written by a person who didn't even know her, yet it flowed so easily. They understood her and her beating heart. With wide eyes and shaking hands she turned a page, hoping that her world didn't change. But it did and down the rabbit hole she goes. Hoping the demons won't reach her and her world won't change again.  The authors of her stories taught that change is scary and you lose everything. And then it ends, the entire story just collapses, now she's not the character they made her. Just an abused withered out idea. All because her book ended. 

So maybe that girl was you and maybe that girl was me. When I was moving I had to pack a lot things, but I made sure to keep my books.. Those stories helped me cling on to myself as it seemed that my whole world was changing. As my world started to spin the only still words were the ones I found in books. Alice always went down the rabbit hole. Harry always killed Voldemort. Bilbo always went with Gandalf. Everything always seem to turn our ok, except when it didn't (Allegiant) Those never changed, I could move away and those words will still be the same.  It wasn't that I read because I didn't have anything to do but I needed comfort. If my brothers or sister were gone I found it nice to read any books I could get my hands on. I know that sounds quite nerdy but I really don't care. My name is Reede for goodness sake. I was meant to love books. Growing up an English teacher's daughter, books were everywhere. All the way from Shakespeare to Collins I could find and read. Every paper cut, late nights, and endings always seemed worth it to me.

It wasn't until late seventh grade did I realize that I could have as much fun as I did reading my books. Again back off I know I'm a nerd. Anyway, I dropped my books and started living. It was fun but I wasn't as comfortable. Not every place you go to is as welcoming as your bed. When I found out I was moving books kinda helped save me. Even though change can be good and all that. But I  still needed those stable stories. The stories that I already knew weren't going to change. So again Alice went down the rabbit hole. Harry killed Voldemort once again. Bilbo went with Gandalf once more. My heroes always won. They didn't just end saving the day, they ended saving me. It wasn't that I was stranded, I just needed a little help finding my way. It's just a page. Just a story, a few words connecting others to the characters. It's just a book sorting pointless words together. But for her or for me, it was so much more than that.  

Two Sides of Goodbyes

Here she is my one and only
My Blondie: Marin Jones

She walked in with a dark black underneath her eyes. They beat her emotionally to the core and now she's tired. Tired because she had look her best friend in the eye today and tell her their friendship could last 751.12 miles away. They all asked why her other half was moving. Everyone was whispering in the halls, telling her she didn't feel the pain alone. But this girl was her sister, the one person who understood everything she said, they all made points: how could you be hurt more then me I've known for her 5 or 6 years. But they didn't know the things she did, they weren't there for her like she was. They couldn't see the things her best friend was trying to tell them. So when she finally got home that night, she cried like there wasn't a tomorrow. Within each tear that shed was memory of the laughs and the moments that they spent together. Each of them strong enough to last a life time.

To quote The Script , "Where is the good in goodbye, where is the nice in nice try?" My best friend doesn't like the script, she always thought they sung about the same thing. Plus they always made her feel sad and she doesn't like feeling sad. She will always be one of the toughest people I will ever know. Seeing her cry was a reality check for me, moving was effecting other people than me.  We talked that weekend after I told everyone else, she told me what it was like for her. I don't know if what I saw as true, but she was cracking, underneath the pressure? I will never know. All I do know is that we were kinda scared. I didn't know what was gonna happen, how could you, there was no way of knowing.  You just hope that it'll turn out ok. The last time I saw her I was leaving her house. She wanted my last night in San Elijo to be at her house. The house we came home to when, we walked around the town. The days when we sat at the park and ranted about the smallest things. That seemed so big at the time. Or the mornings where we could just lay there perfectly content...

 For those of you that either have had to leave your best friend or have been left by your best friend.  You might know what I'm talking about. I don't want to sound some old wise person telling you life lessons. But losing your best friend hurts because then you know your friendship wasn't even that strong enough to begin with. I would be a lot of different things with out her, she knows that some days I need to be alone and others I just need to not be. Maybe you thought of a person maybe you didn't but in the end if that kinda of person is with you don't loose them. I know what its like not to see them everyday and it hurts. She does to, and somedays I wish that she didn't.