Infinte.

The moments given
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It started, it progressed, it became and now it's ending. Goodbyes are not forever, just simply an I'll miss you till I see you again. It's time look back for awhile. Look at my low points and high points too. Remembering the past and hoping it helps the future. When I started this blog post I looked over a post called, "The Effects of Leaving and Coming Back"  it sounded forced, like what I was saying were just lies. Only because I didn't want people to think I was unhappy here. I was happy, just not home… But reading further to newer posts the lies weren't there. When I started this blog I was the praying for the U-Haul to come and drive me back to San Diego. For my parents to grab me at school and give me a one way ticket out of here. I just wanted to go home. I was a girl who never saw an actual winter. I was the kid who realized most of her classmates are Barneys. I cried in between classes and kept looking for the quickest escape route. I was just hoping that grasping on would be less painful than letting go. Blogging gave me an outlet, a place where I could go away from the loud whispers around me. Did it change it my life? No, not even close. But it showed me how much I've changed through out the year.  Starting out as a new kid dealing with clouds of ignorance. Ending up a little less new and little less ignorant. And it's because of the moments I've had here. The nights where Maya and I couldn't stop laughing or the days where the house seemed too quite. The lunches where Olivia drank her kiwis or Annie wouldn't stop yelling. The tournaments when Nina got angry or when Sariah flirted with a cowboy. Or the English classes where Haley debated and Ashley complained.  Or maybe the weekends spent cooking and studying. They made what I am today. My self confidence is much higher, my writing is much better and my family and I are much closer. I do know that I'm different today than I was yesterday. It's funny looking back how much I hated change and now looking forward I can't wait for it. And though this is the end, I don't feel like I'm losing what I've tried to say for the past year. I've accepted what's to come. The fact that I'll be living in 'cardboard' for four more years.  Or how I'm always going to miss San Diego, just less as I did before. Differences and similarities will always be sorted out in my mind. Lessons will stick with me for a long time... For example, my fourth grade teacher taught me a lot. How we shouldn't write the end on a paper unless we really are done. I told him I wouldn't ever write that till I had to end something significant. I've been waiting for awhile to that write down. I'm a girl within the story with too many pages. Who likes to look back and reminisce. Who knows she feels loved. The End.

When Haley laughed and Ashley smiled. 

New isn't Easy

image thanks to pintrest.com

Friendships are fragile, distance can shatter. Happy endings don't always happen. People change, hearts grow and shrink. Strength can be mistaken for bravery. The walls we build may seem like bricks but, they're really made of paper. These are the truths, the truths that haunt me... I want to apologize I've shown the good that comes out moving what helped me, but never what hurts me. I've made this blog like a photo, smiling most of the time. Here's the truth nothing new is easy. New can be scary, new is unknown.  Nothing is easy when it's new. I want people to be calm when they move but not cocky. Making friends is hard, having to deal with rumors is harder. Some days you will crash and some days you will fly. You will want to go back on random days. It'll hit you like hurricane hitting a peaceful harbor. You'll wonder why at first, why people who haven't talk to you in months are coming in to your mind so suddenly. You'll want to call, but you stop yourself cause you are smarter then that. New isn't easy. New is cold at first but somehow the warmth will find you as it always does. Don't give up on new, don't loose hope some how happiness will find you. But new will still be there, it'll be there when old stories are told. When are photographs are shown. Trust me, new will hold your hand all the way through. People do leave, friends can become strangers but people enter as well. Strangers will become friends. New may not be easy, but it does have sense of humanity. It won't let you down, the killer moths in your stomach will come. The nerves will shake you, but new bodies won't break you. Trust me, though shattering can happen to you, you will find people to pick up the pieces. I will not promise anything, it's taken me to long to finish writing this post, mostly because I don't know how to end it. It isn't new for me to end something so important but it's always hard. Which brings me to tell you when familiarity comes to your door and whispers hello. It'll be short, new seems to come around the corner, once comfortably settles in, new will be there to kick it out. It might not be moving, it might be people or feelings. Still it's new who will never seem to be easy.  New can be scary, new is unknown.  Nothing is easy when it's new. Making friends is hard, having to deal with rumors is harder. Some days you will crash and some days you will fly. You will want to go back on random days. But as the days go on, new will have to pack it's bags for final goodbye. Only because nothing is new, naive or even innocent for too long. Friendships are fragile, distance can shatter. Happy endings don't always happen. People change, hearts grow and shrink. Strength can be mistaken for bravery. The walls we build may seem like bricks but, they're really made of paper.

Dear

Dear Sarah Kay, 

If I should have a Daughter Picture thanks to Wikipedia

 I would call you my mentor but I never got to meet you. You are the one person I could never get sick of listening to. You are the one person who seems to not say the wrong thing. Is there a word for that? Even so I don't think that word would describe how much you mean to me. How much I need to tell you. I want to tell you a story about a girl who was scared. Who found a person that showed her a path she didn't know that she could take. No it was never literal, always with hidden meanings. But thanks to you that little girl turned out to have a talent in her that ended up saving her. When I watch you preform, it's as if you have everything figured out. In that moment the world was just another blur that you would see through the window. The smirk you have right when you know a stanza is going to change the point of view for the world. My name is Reede (read) Nasser and I am fourteen years old. I have watched you speak for years now. I was scared to show people my poetry for a long time, then one day I came along the video called Point B. (Low quality video, high quality material. ) That was your poem, you were on Ted that day showing your works and that one you decided to preform. Thanks to you I signed up for poetry club the very next day. I know all of this sounds quite naive, that is not me. See I have just moved and for the most part that is what this blog is about. I tell people what it's like leaving and after. What some kids might need, it might soothe some of their worries. It's something that I wish I had access to when I found out I was moving. I've put off the blog post about writing for awhile only cause I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Telling people that I write about anything. About how some people break, others leave you and the worst of all some will just look. I hope you read some of my posts (Moral of the Story or It's just a Book), to see that I am not a girl blinded by ego or the sunlight. That I am a person who has learned a few things about change. Maybe you might just learn a few things that you never have come across. Such as I have learned from you. Which could leave you waiting for more and waiting for an answer is dangerous. So I will write hoping you see this, hoping that you will read and think, "this girl could survive this thing we call life."  Maybe you'll come back and never tell me. Stay silent, though you know that a girl is hoping that you are. Maybe I'll start to notice how one person in New York keeps coming here and reading. Maybe it'll become a game for you. We will gain a relationship. Me thinking you're someone from Monotawk. But you knowing the truth. Whatever the story, if this letter never grazes your eyes or if you read this too many times. Just know that you have created a world for me with just the words, "If I should have a daughter"

Sincerely,

Reede Nasser

The Moral of the Story

Image thanks to Pintrest.com

Lets go back to elementary school when you had to learn the moral of the story. Trying to figure out what the author was trying to tell you. Here's the my moral you guys or lesson of you will. Life doesn't owe you anything, you have to work for what you get. I'm honestly done with people complaining about how they have too much or too little. There are approximately 7.3 billion people on this world, do you really think your problem is the biggest one. People are dying for worst causes then a broken nail. Stop making things to nonsense on purpose. If you are going to scream remember what happened when the boy cried wolf, or how curiosity killed the cat. Maybe you'll remember that tricks aren't supposed to be played constantly and that some news just aren't for you to know. Start paying attention to the morals of the stories that we learned as kids. A rapper once said "I write 'till my fingers look like a bouquet of roses  you got to bring yourself your flowers now in show biz' focus it's quiet coyote come on let's go, kids Everybody get together with a study buddy And I'll talk about the **** that I don't give." Yes I just quoted Watsky. But he has a very valid point, you work hard to achieve, I will repeat this again, life doesn't owe you a thing.  You may save a life and get fired from your job and you may cry a hundred days and never smile. Life doesn't play by any rules, no point in believing that it does. I'm turning fifteen this year and I've already grasped this idea of not knowing what comes next. Maybe my moral of life is wrong but so is the fact that no one believed the boy when he needed help or how the rabbit lost it's race. Life is realistic, our lessons we were taught as kids weren't. Maybe that's why so many people believe that they deserve something. We aren't going to be children forever, I'm not saying to stop teaching blind optimism. But at some age we should realize that there isn't a point in still believing that our prince or princess will come. If we were taught to dream don't you think most nights would less dark. Maybe the girl who said she's just little tired means something more. Or the boy who has the math answers would like to talk about anything but. We were taught that the boy lied every time and rabbit got a little cocky. Maybe the boy had anxiety and got a little scared. Maybe the rabbit got sick of being the winner and wanted to learn something. So yes please complain, please not read the whole story. Maybe you will actually learn a few things about the true moral of life. Life doesn't owe you anything. So if you bring up elementary school stories, just know that fairytales aren't gonna come true. If you read into more then just the surface you'd see terrors of living in terrorless happiness. Because the moral of the story is?....

It's Just A Book

Getting Lost
Picture thanks to Pintrest.com

It's just a page. Just a story, a few words connecting others to the characters. But that page was home, each and every word containing apart of her tragically beautiful story. Written by a person who didn't even know her, yet it flowed so easily. They understood her and her beating heart. With wide eyes and shaking hands she turned a page, hoping that her world didn't change. But it did and down the rabbit hole she goes. Hoping the demons won't reach her and her world won't change again.  The authors of her stories taught that change is scary and you lose everything. And then it ends, the entire story just collapses, now she's not the character they made her. Just an abused withered out idea. All because her book ended. 

So maybe that girl was you and maybe that girl was me. When I was moving I had to pack a lot things, but I made sure to keep my books.. Those stories helped me cling on to myself as it seemed that my whole world was changing. As my world started to spin the only still words were the ones I found in books. Alice always went down the rabbit hole. Harry always killed Voldemort. Bilbo always went with Gandalf. Everything always seem to turn our ok, except when it didn't (Allegiant) Those never changed, I could move away and those words will still be the same.  It wasn't that I read because I didn't have anything to do but I needed comfort. If my brothers or sister were gone I found it nice to read any books I could get my hands on. I know that sounds quite nerdy but I really don't care. My name is Reede for goodness sake. I was meant to love books. Growing up an English teacher's daughter, books were everywhere. All the way from Shakespeare to Collins I could find and read. Every paper cut, late nights, and endings always seemed worth it to me.

It wasn't until late seventh grade did I realize that I could have as much fun as I did reading my books. Again back off I know I'm a nerd. Anyway, I dropped my books and started living. It was fun but I wasn't as comfortable. Not every place you go to is as welcoming as your bed. When I found out I was moving books kinda helped save me. Even though change can be good and all that. But I  still needed those stable stories. The stories that I already knew weren't going to change. So again Alice went down the rabbit hole. Harry killed Voldemort once again. Bilbo went with Gandalf once more. My heroes always won. They didn't just end saving the day, they ended saving me. It wasn't that I was stranded, I just needed a little help finding my way. It's just a page. Just a story, a few words connecting others to the characters. It's just a book sorting pointless words together. But for her or for me, it was so much more than that.  

Two Sides of Goodbyes

Here she is my one and only
My Blondie: Marin Jones

She walked in with a dark black underneath her eyes. They beat her emotionally to the core and now she's tired. Tired because she had look her best friend in the eye today and tell her their friendship could last 751.12 miles away. They all asked why her other half was moving. Everyone was whispering in the halls, telling her she didn't feel the pain alone. But this girl was her sister, the one person who understood everything she said, they all made points: how could you be hurt more then me I've known for her 5 or 6 years. But they didn't know the things she did, they weren't there for her like she was. They couldn't see the things her best friend was trying to tell them. So when she finally got home that night, she cried like there wasn't a tomorrow. Within each tear that shed was memory of the laughs and the moments that they spent together. Each of them strong enough to last a life time.

To quote The Script , "Where is the good in goodbye, where is the nice in nice try?" My best friend doesn't like the script, she always thought they sung about the same thing. Plus they always made her feel sad and she doesn't like feeling sad. She will always be one of the toughest people I will ever know. Seeing her cry was a reality check for me, moving was effecting other people than me.  We talked that weekend after I told everyone else, she told me what it was like for her. I don't know if what I saw as true, but she was cracking, underneath the pressure? I will never know. All I do know is that we were kinda scared. I didn't know what was gonna happen, how could you, there was no way of knowing.  You just hope that it'll turn out ok. The last time I saw her I was leaving her house. She wanted my last night in San Elijo to be at her house. The house we came home to when, we walked around the town. The days when we sat at the park and ranted about the smallest things. That seemed so big at the time. Or the mornings where we could just lay there perfectly content...

 For those of you that either have had to leave your best friend or have been left by your best friend.  You might know what I'm talking about. I don't want to sound some old wise person telling you life lessons. But losing your best friend hurts because then you know your friendship wasn't even that strong enough to begin with. I would be a lot of different things with out her, she knows that some days I need to be alone and others I just need to not be. Maybe you thought of a person maybe you didn't but in the end if that kinda of person is with you don't loose them. I know what its like not to see them everyday and it hurts. She does to, and somedays I wish that she didn't. 

Change of Pace

To those two people actually read my blog, I'm changing my blog type. There so many things other then places to talk about so from now on this is a rant blog. So yea change of pace guys. The metaphor of the pilot seat still works, trust me. But it's slightly changed, this time it means to take all our nothing. You're gonna fly the plane or you aren't. SO here goes everything. 

Hopefully this one is true..
Image thanks to Idulgy.com 

They said it I had it easy moving here was easy for me. Have you ever seen your best friend break, have you ever seen the girl who was your shoulder start to cry? Well then don't tell me it was easy because it was the exact opposite of easy. I left a part of me there something I can't get back. It's funny, when I moved to Park City I thought I would be screwed. I mean my parents chose the one city that seemed to be on a different planet compared to my hometown. Most of the kids in my old school hadn't even seen snow before. That would come across to about half of my current school as crazy. Park City thinks they are over crowed at thirty kids per class. My English Class had forty seven kids in the class and we were the smallest out of all seven that he had. Listen I'm not complaining, its just funny that we ended up here. Two very different states, two very different  cultures and two very different homes.  It reminds me to my first day in AP geography. My teacher was talking about what we were gonna learn when he says something on the lines of,"you'll find that a lot of states here seem like an entire planet away." then a kid someone who I will not name (but it does start with an A, you know who you are).... Yelled out California like it was the most logical answer in the world. I wanted yell back and say no but, I stopped and realized maybe he isn't wrong. Like how people haven't seen snow there, some people haven't been to the beach here. I understand I kinda restated what I said before. It's an important concept that I have just now come across. 

Back to what I was saying before, I thought I was screwed. Why wouldn't I be, I had different hobbies, I 'talked differently', and I grew up in the same small town my entire life. Can I just explain San Elijo Hills for a second, I know San Diego is a pretty big city. But the place where I grew up was a very very very very very very small town. Everyone knows everyone, in my entire life there, maybe only two new kids moved there. I had everything planned out for me. The schools, the friends and everything an eighth grade girl could dream of, (with in reason because nothing is certain.) But you what you don't expect is that you will be moving, that you have to tell the girl who was a sister to you that you've been keeping something from her for six months.  When you move you are only thinking about you in that moment not the others around. Until it's the last week and you realize you aren't gonna see these people ever again. You aren't gonna see the kids who grew up with you. The oy who stood up for you when no one else would. The girl you would talk to everyday. In a few years they might be the last thing form your mind.....

I didn't adjust well either. This place wasn't home for such a longtime for me. It wasn't until I accepted the fact that this was my very different home and  I wasn't gonna move back. That I really started to fit in here. Not that I do now, I'm not a ski kid, this is my first time ever having an all day locker etc. My life has been very different then kids here. Hopefully one day I'll start getting used to this place.  You could say that moving was easy for me but it wasn't. Leaving is a two way street. I had to experience both sides of it.