A Personal Defintion of Being Self Conscious

While you're hiding your head,
you might just be a wonder to everyone else.
Image thanks to Pinterest.com

Self Conscious: feeling undue awareness of oneself, one's appearance, or one's actions, Merriam Webster. I'm not gonna rant about the problems in today's society and go all feminist on you. But I will say this and only this. We all should have right to be self conscious. I'm strong believer in that everything and everyone is beautiful, I also understand the greatness of this contradiction. But when your close friend tells you that what you feel is stupid or someone you trust calls you selfish because of it. You slowly start to wonder why the people you are closest to suddenly feels the need to talk this emotion away from you. Though you know it's all in good measure. I just can't help but feel that some teenage right of mine is being taken away. Because I understand we are our own worst critics and the way I look myself should be better than it actually is. And when the people who care about me are trying to shut down that feeling, I can't just help but laugh because I feel like it's making it worse. I know they don't know that either. This might feel like I'm blaming them but I'm not. Maybe they don't know what they are doing because of the way I portray myself, if so I'm glad. Maybe this is too personal for you or me. But this is also something that needs to be said or read. The truth is, no matter how many people say otherwise, people will have low self esteem. Blame beauty standards, rude high school kids or other justifiable reasons. So why does society diminish this feeling? If we all feel it some point in our lives, instead of saying no, why not let us be? Why do we bring others down if we all go through similar things? It doesn't make sense, self loathing is common theme in most people's lives. So here's my definition of being self conscious. It's the feeling of insecurity, when you look away from the mirror or curse your self for talking. It's those moments when you keep your head down and stay quite because you don't want to do anything wrong. The moments when the laughing from others is what is causing your crying. Or when the people who love you most say the wrong thing at the worst time. So there you go, put others down. But make sure you understand, that in the end of it all you caused it. You caused the feeling of crushing defeat. The same feeling that will be put on you by another. It's a cycle, the needing to hurt others. So once more, it's the feeling when you're at your lowest. When the laughing is too much or the silence is deafening. It's  the collapsing when the people you love, don't seem to care at all. And when the loneliness catches up with you just to keep you company. If you go by this definition or another's, I hope that you understand the feeling of it all is the same.