I am...

I am… Loved.

"Guys, guess what I just figured out." "What?' "Birth Certificates are basically baby recites." "Really, Reede, really?" "Rachael did you hear this?" "To be honest, I'm trying to ignore you right now." "But this is an amazing discovery!" "Yea, okay Reede." So this was an actual conversation that I had with my math buddies, Juliana and Rachael. The people I thank G*D for every day after lunch… When you move you may want to reinvent yourself, go right ahead. But keep the parts that makes you, you. I know this sounds cheesy, but I've found that certain moments make me who I am, I'm weird, like the moment I gave you first. So I asked my friends what was the first word that they could think of when they thought of me. I am;
Inspiring,
"We won't be able to do this." "Nina yes we can." "How do you know that." "Because I know if I didn't believe in us this much I wouldn't have ever started, I wouldn't be getting ready to talk about carbon tax or Russia or refugees, I believe that no matter how stressed I get. You're gonna be there, telling me about some contention or framework problem. I wouldn't wake up at 4:30 on a Saturday to drive down to Salt Lake. I would let those days where, we are looked down because we are freshman, get to me. I know we got this." "Thank you... How much coffee did you have this morning?" "Too much Nina too much."
Poetic,
"How would you describe being a human." "You know that moment when you are about to loose or the day finally comes crashing down on you. You keep saying it's going to be okay over and over, even if you don't believe it. Or those moments when you walk down the street and you hear that song, the one your dad used to play in the car and now every memory of it sweeps through you. When time finally stops and sits down to have a conversation, not remembering that there are tests to be taken or papers to write." "Where the hell did that come from?" "I have no idea."
Realistic
"So Utah, you excited?" "Why because I'm leaving what I know and the people who love me. To go to a place where I'll be an outsider for awhile." "Dude be a little more optimistic." "Why there isn't a point of sugar coating it, it's gonna suck but I'm gonna have to do it anyway."

I can be who I want because I don't care. I am who I am for a reason, it doesn't matter what town or who I am with. I am the girl laughing too loudly or the one arguing. I have my head stuck in a book. I bite my nails, I love to write and I refuse to filter myself for anyone. I am who I was supposed to be.

Two Sides of Goodbyes

Here she is my one and only
My Blondie: Marin Jones

She walked in with a dark black underneath her eyes. They beat her emotionally to the core and now she's tired. Tired because she had look her best friend in the eye today and tell her their friendship could last 751.12 miles away. They all asked why her other half was moving. Everyone was whispering in the halls, telling her she didn't feel the pain alone. But this girl was her sister, the one person who understood everything she said, they all made points: how could you be hurt more then me I've known for her 5 or 6 years. But they didn't know the things she did, they weren't there for her like she was. They couldn't see the things her best friend was trying to tell them. So when she finally got home that night, she cried like there wasn't a tomorrow. Within each tear that shed was memory of the laughs and the moments that they spent together. Each of them strong enough to last a life time.

To quote The Script , "Where is the good in goodbye, where is the nice in nice try?" My best friend doesn't like the script, she always thought they sung about the same thing. Plus they always made her feel sad and she doesn't like feeling sad. She will always be one of the toughest people I will ever know. Seeing her cry was a reality check for me, moving was effecting other people than me.  We talked that weekend after I told everyone else, she told me what it was like for her. I don't know if what I saw as true, but she was cracking, underneath the pressure? I will never know. All I do know is that we were kinda scared. I didn't know what was gonna happen, how could you, there was no way of knowing.  You just hope that it'll turn out ok. The last time I saw her I was leaving her house. She wanted my last night in San Elijo to be at her house. The house we came home to when, we walked around the town. The days when we sat at the park and ranted about the smallest things. That seemed so big at the time. Or the mornings where we could just lay there perfectly content...

 For those of you that either have had to leave your best friend or have been left by your best friend.  You might know what I'm talking about. I don't want to sound some old wise person telling you life lessons. But losing your best friend hurts because then you know your friendship wasn't even that strong enough to begin with. I would be a lot of different things with out her, she knows that some days I need to be alone and others I just need to not be. Maybe you thought of a person maybe you didn't but in the end if that kinda of person is with you don't loose them. I know what its like not to see them everyday and it hurts. She does to, and somedays I wish that she didn't. 

I Learned that You Have Family Everywhere

We stepped off the dock and something about the world changed around me. There weren't cars, just boat taxis, no big city hustle, everyone there took their time. A concept only few people where I'm from actually celebrate. The pathways were small and the people were kind. I was in Venice and I never wanted to leave. 

Venice, Italy is a small city at the top of Italy at the coast of Adriatic Sea. My family and I traveled there in the summer of 2014. It was our last stop on our tour of the Caribbean. We went Turkey, a couple cities in Greece, and Paris. Which I understand isn't on the Caribbean, but hey we went there. Venice is known but not for the reasons that it should be. The culture there was the classic Italian  feel. People were loud, the food was good, and everyone has a home

So lets start with the people. The sidewalks were small in between each building and with all the voices it was hard to anyone. But between all the madness I hear, "come sta la tua famiglia."Don't ask me how I remember all of this I just do. Anyway, it was a shock for me how can person be that clear in a place like that. Responses were coming out of thin air to the point where my head started to spin. So on that first day in Venice, I learned that people can be pretty loud 

Venice Image provided by telegraph

The food, oh my god the food!!! I hope all of you that are reading this has had Italian food before if so, you have never had Italian food like this. It was all made fresh the pasta didn’t come from boxes. Everything I ate there was drool worthy. It wasn’t just the taste of it though, it was the smell and the sounds around. Which sounds totally weird I get it but you had to be there. When you sit down in a restaurant like that first thing you notice is the smell of freshly baked dough. Then you here the chefs conversing in the back. Which makes you feel at it home. 

Which also brings me to my next topic. You find a home there. Sure tourists are noisy and they take up space. Believe me I’ve dealt with plenty to assure you that one. But they accept you there. For example, my family and another family went out to dinner our second or third night in Venice. All of what I had said before was true, the food was great, the chefs were talkative and people were yelling. But behind all of those sounds, was laughing and communicating. Something I haven’t seem my older sister do in a long time (slightly kidding). My favorite part of the night was when the owners came up to our table, pulled out chairs and starting talking to us. They called us brothers and sisters by the end of the night. 

Venice is the one place I would go back to in a heartbeat. It isn’t one of those trips you neglect talking about or you get sick of. That’s my take on Venice, thank you for staying with me. 

The Affects of Leaving and Coming Back

 Every time I leave a piece of my heart stays there. It hurts to leave and it hurts to stay. I am torn between two places a home and a house if you will. I love it here I do but you can't force memories.  You can't just make so many years of growth and change happen. This place wasn't just a home for me, it was where I lived, I strived and became who I was. 

Coming Back Image Provided by flickr

 I recently went to back home to San Diego for UEA break and I almost forgot how much it hurts to leave... Hey guys it's Reede and if you haven't guessed already this isn't going to be a normal blog post for me. The reason why I am posting this is that when you leave a place once it doesn't hurt as much. But when you come back it starts to sting. Not a lot of people know that. 

  So while I was there, I stayed with my best friend and went to school with her. I know why go to school when just you just got school off? I am weird okay. But in that time I don't think, I have never smiled and cried as much as I did that day. People were shocked, some thought I was always there and never left. Some thought I would never come back. They all had different reactions to me being there too. For example, my friend Jennifer Van saw me and she screamed. Then clung on me to the point where I fell down. That was a happy reaction. But my friend Lauren who I've known since I could tie my shoes, started to cry. That was an interesting reaction... In those moments I realized the effects of coming and going have on a person. On either sides of the deal. It isn't fair or right to get up and leave people. But then what would you say traveling is. So much work goes into making a vacation perfect. The people you meet their. Believe or not you effected their vacation. We never think of it that way either.

 We are all effected by what others do. Leaving can hurt a person. Coming back can change a person. In some ways that's what traveling does to you. If you leave your heart too many places, you won't have enough to live. Going back to San Diego I thought about what my life here was like and what my life I could've been like there. Either way I liked my options. Here is how I was effected, leaving hurt but it helped me grow. I would be much different then I was if I stayed in California. Coming back was a different story. The town where I grew up in seemed smaller. The people I knew seemed different. Do I want to move back? If you asked me that a month ago it would have been a yes. But right now it's a no. You never know how much you need to leave a place till you're already gone.